Hospital Unruly Rules

Here’s a good rule of thumb:

Stay away from hospitals.

Far, far away.

You’ve got to love some of these doctors.

From the impressively competent to the downright scary last-in-their-graduating-class type of underachievers, there’s one doctor who stands out among all the others.

With a talent unparalleled, Dr. M was truly a character.

From the second he would enter a room, he always managed to create chaos.

Prior to a scheduled procedure, he came by to start setting up.

A second later, my freshly delivered fettucine alfredo lunch tray was airborne.

It splattered and clattered to the floor.

The overturned tray, utensils, and all.

Well, so much for lunch.

Dr. M profusely apologized, then dropped to his hands and knees to attend to the disaster he’d just created.

All I know is I wasn’t about to eat that crap after it had rolled all over the hospital germ-infested floor.

My appetite effectively gone, I watched carefully to make sure he thoroughly washed and sanitized his hands before performing the procedure.

For a supposedly minor procedure that should’ve been done and over with in 15 minutes, his sheer incompetence turned it into a horrifying ordeal that lasted over two hours.

I thought I died and went to…

Well, someplace that sure didn’t resemble my idea of what heaven would look like.

And then I opened my eyes.

Oh no.

That jerk was still standing there.

And this time, he was holding a manual.

Was this for real?

Please help.

Anybody, just help.

My son in-law walked in at that moment, and didn’t realize this dimwit was actually a so-called medical professional.

Maybe I would wake up and find that it was all a dream.

But no.

Dr. M was still there, this time with a YouTube video pulled up on his cell phone, showing my daughter and son in-law how to perform the intricate maintenance procedure once I’m released to go home.

If I’m lucky enough to make it home at all, at this rate.

The next day, the misfit showed up again with a packet of papers.

And guess what happened next?

That’s right, the entire stack of papers somehow managed to fly out of his hands and onto the floor like a heap of confetti.

Only without any occasion to be celebrating.

Even Dr. M had to admit that things always seemed to go wrong whenever he was around.

God have mercy.